60-year-old mom flips out after daughter forbids her from babysitting her child because of her weight: 'She can’t walk 2 city blocks without sitting, can’t do any stairs, can’t fly unless she buys two seats'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 11, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Judgmental as the world can be when a person is not the size that is expected of them, it cannot be denied that there are usually physical limitations on what an individual can do when they reach a certain number on the scale. One of the sacrifices of being beyond a certain weight is that some things that would otherwise be considered normal become out of the realm of possibility. They are neither practical nor safe.

While losing weight is a battle that is much easier said than done, after a point, it is the only real solution for a person who is missing out on the things that they care about because of their size. Sometimes, the motivation to do this doesn't come until an unpleasant wakeup call. Even then, many are reluctant to admit that there may be an issue, and it isn't just themselves who they affect with that.

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  • 01

    AITA for telling my mom she can’t watch my baby?

    For backstory, I (33F) am pregnant with my first child. My husband (34M) and I live in a major city where most people don't have cars / drive. We walk basically everywhere (or take the subway). My mom, whom I love, (60F) is morbidly obese. She's always been "bigger," but in the past 10 years has gotten close to 400 lbs. She can't walk 2 city blocks without sitting, can't do any stairs, and can't really fly unless she buys two seats. She complains of pain whenever she has to carry things. We've (
    via annoyedatgrandma
  • 02
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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is something that one woman found herself struggling with when it came to her mom. She was expecting her first child with her husband, and her mom was volunteering first to help out for the first few weeks after the baby came, then for the first few months instead of them paying for daycare.

    The problem was the grandma-to-be's nearly 400lb weight, which her daughter felt was incompatible to both staying in a walkup apartment and taking care of a new baby. When she communicated this to her mother after protests about the new parents using daycare professionals, she got offended, and the expecting mom wondered if she was in the wrong.

  • 03

    "We told her we already have a daycare"

    My husband and I live in a walk up. I'm due in June, and my mom asked if she can come up and help with the baby the first few weeks. I said of course, all help is always appreciated. Then she said that she would like my husband and I to have her as childcare for a few months instead of doing daycare (which we already have enrolled in). We told her we already have a daycare but appreciate the offer and she can come visit anytime. My MIL is coming for a few weeks after my mom, and we told my mom s
    via annoyedatgrandma
  • 04
    She kept insisting, saying she would be better than a "random childcare person." We told her babies are a ton of work and she can come visit, but we don't expect her to watch the baby full time. She told us we were making a major mistake not taking her up on daycare. She kept pushing it and said we'd regret not taking her up on her offer, and I finally told her I don't want her watching the baby because of her weight - if there is an emergency, she can't take the baby on a walk or even get the s
    via annoyedatgrandma
  • 05

    "She said I prefer my mother-in-law because she's thin"

    Now she's not speaking to me, and told my sister I "am embarrassed of her." She also said I prefer my MIL because she's thin (something I have never brought up and we aren't using my MIL as daycare). I don't think I was mean and wasn't going to mention her weight until she pushed it, but now I think I'm the a hole because my family is divided. So Reddit, AITA?
    via annoyedatgrandma
  • 06
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  • 07

    Outsiders supported her valid concerns.

    AppearanceOk5806 NTA. My fiance and I have had this conversation as well. My mother is much older than his and has me late in her life so shes not as physically fit or healthy. If daycare or babysitting is needed, we'll probably leave the baby with his mom or sister. My mom would only be able to take care of the baby during the first few months of the baby's life before the baby gets too fussy and heavy for her. I've talked to her about this and she understood. Also, as another person has pointe
    via AppearanceOk5806
  • 08
    annoyedatgrandma OP It's a tough conversation so I sympathize with you (but am jealous your mom was understanding)! I see people commenting my mom might move in - she isn't seeking to do that. She and my dad are happy in their home and my dad is pretty healthy and assists her. They also have had their house retrofitted with a stair assist lift and mobility assistance bathrooms. When she comes to visit she stays in a hotel that we pay for, as our guest bedroom and bathroom is on the second floor
    via annoyedatgrandma
  • 09
    I should have phrased it as mobility and not obesity. This conversation was over fiveish weeks with me deflecting every time or telling her we have a good daycare we are enrolled in after leave, so I think I was frazzled and should have a handled better by ignoring or saying mobility.
    via annoyedatgrandma
  • 10
    bokatan 778 NTA. Sometimes, as the saying goes, the truth hurts. Your concerns are legit and real, and babies/toddlers should have outside time and someone who can handle an emergency situation. Your mom probably just feels awful already and this stung. Hopefully this will help motivate her to want to lose weight so she can be around to watch her grandchild grow up. Sounds like you handled it honestly but gently.
    via bokatan778
  • 11
    Tricky_Tax4933 NTA, you are focused on what's best for your baby and that's what matters most. Obviously you didn't want to hurt your mom's feelings, but what's worse, injured feelings or injured baby? Your mom is clearly in denial about her health and size. Overeating is an addiction, and your mom is displaying typical addict behavior here. Sneaking snacks, denying there's a problem, projecting, etc. You've stopped enabling her, so now in her mind you're the problem. Just like any other addicti
    via Tricky_Tax4933
  • 12
    Ok_Tonight_3703 NTA. Repeat after me" I am not responsible for any adults feeling". Your mother is not just over weight. She is morbidly obese. She cannot provide safe care for your child. Now she is trying to guilt you with her "she hates me because I'm fat" and "she's embarrassed by me". Your mother is so selfish. Ignore her drama and reconsider having her visit during your PP time. You do not need her immature guilt trips when you are navigating motherhood.
    via Ok_Tonight_3703
  • 13
    Novel Teach NTA You are 100% right to consider everything that your baby may need, and make a plan based on reality. Your mom obviously has a poor self image, and it sounds like she pushed until she got an answer that validated her own thoughts and feelings. Her response is unfortunate, but you weren't cruel, are willing to let her be as involved as she is able. Your priorities are where they should be.
    via NovelTeach
  • 14
    Ace_In_The_Whole1776 NTA at all. She's deflecting the consequences of her life choices onto you as a way to absolve herself from responsibility. Instead of using this as a wake up call to improve her health, she's playing the victim. It's very sad and unfortunate, as I'm sure she's a very loving person in your life, based on how happily you responded to her visiting you. Hopefully, in time, she'll come to accept reality, and WANT to put the work in for herself so she'll be around longer to see h
    via Ace_In_The_Whole1776
  • 15
    Sea_Kangaroo826 NTA. You laid out a series of very legitimate practical concerns. This is not about body image and while I'm sure her feelings are hurt (which s ks and I don't believe you wanted to hurt her feelings!) the safety of your infant child is paramount. You advocated for your child in the face of pressure which can be difficult to do.
    via Sea_Kangaroo826
  • 16
    napsrule321 NTA. Your Mom is physically incapable of keeping the baby safe in the event of an emergency. It's not fair to sacrifice the quality of the baby's care so your Mom can feel better about herself. I think your mother is being manipulative to get her own way. Don't let her guilt trip you.
    via napsrule321
  • 17
    Jdawn82 NTA - The truth hurts sometimes, unfortunately. If she can't walk distances or move quickly, that's a real hazard. What about when the baby is mobile? She can enjoy being a grandma without worrying about having to be childcare.
    via Jdawn82
  • 18
    Devmailcom She's asking for a physically demanding role she simply cannot fulfill. tbh, this wasn't about weight. It was about safety. If she were recovering from surgery, or had mobility issues (which she kinda have) for any reason, the answer would've been the same.
    via Devmailcom
  • 19
    aloneintheupwoods NTA listen I sympathize, because my grandson was born last year when I weighed 300 lbs and have some chronic ortho issues not related to my weight. I had a brutally honest discussion with the parents about what I could and couldn't do, what I was doing to try and lose the weight, etc. I did watch him all last summer, but did NOT do stairs (luckily they were in a ranch house), and was very careful when I carried him. We worked it out, but it required honesty and work on my part.
    via aloneintheupwoods
  • 20
    Where WeretheAdults NTA. You tried being polite and she kept pushing. You gave her the truth. That hurt her, but that is not your fault because her choices led her to this, not yours. Always protect your child. You did the right thing.
    via WhereWeretheAdults
  • 21
    JohnRedcorn Massage ΝΤΑ The safety of your baby is much more important than your mother's feelings. Period.
    via JohnRedcornMassage
  • 22
    Clear_Peach7479 NTA. I'm sure it didn't feel good for her to hear, but it also sounds like you tried to politely get out of telling her exactly why, and she kept pushing. There are certain things that are just difficult for bigger people to do, and you are probably right that she would struggle to get a baby and a stroller down all those stairs.
    via Clear_Peach7479
  • 23
    Available_Macaroon38 NTA your baby's safety comes first, full stop. Your mom's feelings can recover, but safety is top priority always.
    via Available_Macaroon38
  • 24
    MaeSilver909 NTA. I wouldn't be surprised if your mom said later down the road that she was upset with herself & took it out on you. May be your mom will be open to spending family time at a park where she will be getting some exercise. Don't push her but she needs to realize that your child will not be an infant forever.
    via MaeSilver909
  • 25
    Voidfishie NTA but you would have been better to say it was because of her health/fitness. Yes, it's tied to her weight, but saying it's about her weight makes it sound like it's an issue of her appearance, or aesthetics, when it isn't. If she was that weight but able to walk long distances and climb stairs etc it would be a different situation.
    via Voidfishie

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baby weight grandma babysitting family mom
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